Slight Depression

June 30 - Slight Depression - Wake up at 3:00. However, I gave up meditation. It was cold, I didn't want anything - And so I lay there and woke up until morning - A dream with a David who fired me up with pasta in a container. This is already 2 of this type of dream. What does it mean? - In the morning I ate pasta, one slice. But somehow I wanted to stuff myself and went to eat another one. I also ate cheese. And of course fruit for breakfast. - I liked that limanowa cheese very much - I finished reading M. Rakowska's book and decided to order her book home. I mean it: she promotes physical, breathing exercises, affirmations, and visualizations in her textbook. Maybe it would be nice to register with her. - In the afternoon I was slightly depressed. I went to sleep, I didn't feel like anything. Plans and dreams fell into ruin again - Now I took a Tramal for the evening. I don't give a shit about everything. I'm looking for help in the channeling I have bought, fortune-telling, and I can't find any logical sense. I want to go to sleep dirty with my clothes on. - Today I regularly took Venol for a headache. - Esperyment: apples, venol + tramal. I wonder how this electrifying composition will affect me - I worked out a new sleeping position on my stomach so as not to feel arched vertebrae. I moved my left arm slightly beyond the bed, right and left attached, head sideways. Great position. I'm going to sleep like that in a moment. - In addition, in the afternoon, there was a quarrel with my mother, who crashed again and again because I did not open her door for 10 minutes. I slept, I had headphones on and I did not listen ... - Fuck, ache, ache, wandering aches and pains in the vertebrae. - Today I was thinking again: I want to kill myself. But how to kill yourself so as not to suffer? I know, I'll try to program my sleep in that direction