Morning energy

July 3 - Morning Energy - Energetic morning run - 5:00 two Inca coffees - 6:00 Inca guarana (probably around this time) - 8:00 apples - It was a great run. Nearly 1 hour. I couldn't tear myself away from running :) - Physically and mentally, I felt confident. Again I felt that I was a true master of a cut retort. I guessed (bit) my mother a little. I felt like a god again. I felt really great! - During the day I started a little bit of the program for malgosia, although again I did not do much. At least I started something. - Persuasion, refusal to work. Better be silent than lying. Instead of making excuses, I can't do better. (then you arouse curiosity). - Marcin's cramps were simply overwhelming. I did not want to do these projects, pain in addition, my hypochondria. - Pretty good persuasion. It's going to be 13 or after 14. Others: I can't come today, I'll call you in 2 hours. At least I did not explain myself like some pussy that my mouse broke ... - Now I was bitten by mosquitoes in 6-7 places during the night. The wandering pain is stronger and I still think about it ... In the afternoon it was not so bad, only thoughts circled around the pain - And again a lapse. He's suicidal again. Just how to commit suicide here. Many times in my life I wanted to, but never really had the courage. How can I do to ... Not to suffer ... I was defeated. - I don't want to live again. I'm going to wash myself. I'm going to sleep ... Even though it's only 20:26. Shit on the evening meditation. Tomorrow I have to register for Zakopane. On Friday to the Rheumatologist. Fuck me ... - Pain, pain, pain - how to get out of that fucking pain. And even if it doesn't hurt, I don't do anything. And such a vague circle: laziness, pain, meditation, diets, exercise, pain ...