TramalowaLikanina

In the evening of the previous day, Ester hypnotized me. Channeled again and didn't come out as usual. In addition... In the morning I woke up with a headache on the side of my head. He feels there is something there: a trobel or a cancer. I even thought ... It would be even fun if the doctor made such a diagnosis ... If my revelation found out about it, I would like to die already. I want to fucking show him ... Fucking dick !!! I wonder what zarowski would say then if he found out that there was a tumor in the place of the head where I reported pain! I hate you fucking motherfucker !!! I recently returned from morning training. I also planned to jump to the ladybug for apples, peanuts and baking soda. However, I did not want to. So then I went to Adam, but it does not spread out. I met Damian Wnekowski. He kept talking to me. We talked a bit about health care, about his and my health problems. I found out that there are similar sensations with lumbar puncture. Anyway, we talked about Dece - the steroid. He said he could help me. Not only in health problems, but I will gain 5-10 kg. Fuck as he said it, I wanted to get this steroid, but I could only take it under medical supervision. Moreover... I was wrong mentally. How the pussy listened to him. Now, as I think and analyze, I should say firmly and firmly: I will check it! But again in the morning I imagined how strong, healthy and powerful I am thanks to steroids. As my spine regenerates ... I fucking want Dece. I would get to know another arsenal of modern medicine, I would have more medical experience. Oh, in the morning around 7:00 I took the tramal. Now it's 10:45 and I don't feel its effects yet. Strange, the first effects were always after 2 hours, and now one big ass ... I have to wait a little longer until I am positively drunk :) Oh, there's something else. Wneku told me how he lay in a hospital in Zakopane. They refused to let him go, even though he wanted to. In the end, he escaped from the hospital, because he did not want to stay there any longer. Fuck and they only kept me for one day in the addition of wild boar with an unknown disease giving heavy drugs without any problems on their own task! This is life. Not only with women but also with people. When you want them to help you, they don't want to. When you don't want help, they want to help! This world is strange :) l The whore is after 12:00, 5 hours have passed since consuming the tram and somehow I do not feel any effects. By the way, I drank some 1-1.5l of Coffee with milk in an interval of 1 hour. Maybe too much fluid for the drug and it dissolved badly? In the evening, Ester sent me Energie Likanine. I don't know if that was it. The feathers did not crackle or the forks flew in the air, although I felt the pleasant warmth of my whole body on the blog. A great feeling. I had to unload it, do squats, dips. Wow, Adran and Esther said: This is it !!! Then I still had to run. I jumped to the ladybug for nuts and discharged myself. I want to run a little in the morning too. I feel great. I think I met Damian Wnekowski again with some visitor to the river and then when I returned close to the drazka. Today I only ate 2 meals. I felt great strength thanks to it! Light meals give me a lot of energy! In the store I felt adrenaline, self-confidence, failure to adapt to society. Quite what I felt in the past! Extra! Tomorrow morning, if I don't forget, I'll go for a run again. I think my feet have regenerated already!

After a Breakup

March 26 - After the Breakup. In the morning I thought about Kaja, about how I broke up with her. I was still thinking about it. I feel good about it, full of hatred, full of power of the dark side - that's what I would call it ... I didn't want to hurt her, I only wanted to finally get rid of her life, end it all and have holy peace. He does not want her, let him find another prince from the fairy tale - so my heart thinks. On the other hand, if I had to consider my mind - maybe I am doing something wrong. Maybe it is a temporary crisis and it should be rebuilt somehow? I don't know ... I chose my heart, although my mind also doesn't want anyone. I want to be alone, give my ass up and live a quiet life. Throughout the day - panic over the spine. Chlamydia has traveled through my body frequently. In the morning I practiced my outstanding training. Tomorrow, father and mother are leaving. Supposedly the perfect day for a hunger, but ... I think I'll let it go. I am so tempted to move it, but I don't think I will. David will not be there either - he goes with them to Krakow. So cool :) I read Kaji's blog. She wrote in it that she made cupcakes, a little smiling smiley. Its description has not changed in general. He does not let you know that he is probably suffering. Or maybe he hates so much? Maybe even on her hand that I wrote something like that. I listened to that song Snowman most of the day today - invariably. In addition, the Horizons 12dbi Antenna came today. The Cable is missing. I took Ms Basi's laptop back, accepting a £ 20 loan.

Breakup of ZKaja

March 25 - Breaking up with Kaja Two wake-up calls at night at 02:00, 05:00 and 07:00 At 7:00 am I was still sleepy. I think it's the effect of it and I slept on my stomach. The neck stiffens, the fingers are bloodless and in addition I slept with the window closed, which probably caused the body to regenerate more slowly. It's good that I remembered that today I have planned a Tramal. In a moment I am going to brew herbs, change my clothes, for a short 20 minutes of meditation. Yesterday I was listening to meditation on Radio Paranormalium. Fuck, but I hate this meditation, and on the other hand, how am I going to defeat all those who have destroyed me? Especially my father !!! I need to learn meditation !!! Then I blow everything off: tetris, brain challenge, balls, because I have to learn to meditate and discover my psychic possibilities! Report - Knowledge and reading books are closer to life success. I didn't feel like anything again. Thread. Fuck everything. I also got a reply from Kaja this morning. Devastated by the fact that I wrote so little on the gg, what's up with me, that I did not spend even 10 minutes on it. And that she would like to meet, but as she sees it is probably not the right time. Man, I don't want Kaja anymore, I just don't want her ... I want to be alone, live for free for some 800 PLN and do nothing all day. Lie in bed, exercise, do nothing. I want to be alone, I don't need Kaja. I have to break up with her somehow. I wrote to her and by the evening I will write back something longer on the gg. Just what? Lie to meet someone? no, that's a lie - I hate lies, right? I think... I do not know how to write it, I emphasize that I want to do it gently. Well, I never actually did, never broke up with a girl. In fact, we were not together, although we felt something for each other, these tender words, letters - somehow made you seduce me that I fell in love with you again. But I don't think I love you anymore. I'm sorry you. He continues to say that you are the greatest woman I have ever met in my life and probably your future boyfriend will be a true lucky one, but I do not feel anything for you anymore. I am writing it right now, because when I logically analyze it, I know that the longer I wait, the more harm I will do, keeping you in hope and uncertainty. It's hard for me to call a little and say it, let alone see and say it in person. Of course, if you would like to meet, I don't mind, but only as cousins. You know that it's hard to say it directly, moreover, you broke up with your boyfriend in the list too. I am entering the stage of adult life. I had to think seriously about many things ... What he wants in life, what he wants to do and who to be. Forgive me, I hope if there was anything, it won't turn into hate. We can always write to ourselves from time to time, exchange a few sentences. You are pretty, kind, tolerant, loving, bright, you have beautiful feminine shapes - you will surely meet some prince from a fairy tale. But that prince won't be me. I wrote today for the first time to Rafal Pawlik regarding the cancellation of tomorrow's meeting. He hasn't written back to me yet. In addition, today wrote Maksym. He wrote that he really liked the music that was attached to the card. But somehow I don't care so much about rebuilding our friendship either. I believed I was going to do this fucking meditation - but the fuck from this fucking fucking meditation. Tramal gives me what I need. But on the other hand ... I don't want to take the tram. Biarac tramal and replacing it meditation feels like a loser. Yes, I lost the fight against life and myself. I felt great and invincible. Yet I was beaten by the public health service and doctors. In total, man is responsible for his own fate. I wanted to be sick ... it happened. I'm sick.... If not for the psychiatrists, everyone would see doctors until they were successful. Until who will find outstanding and wonderful and heal you. Each. However, I made mistakes for which I paid a HUGE PRICE !!! HUGE!!! But as I told Rafal Pawlik recently, it's not that bad. There are -2 degrees Celsius. Now I listen to Yurim - those beautiful love songs that Maksym gave me two years ago. Oh, you could fall in love ... Those were the times. Today I came up with a nice comparison to the disease. Illness is like a fire in your home. Fire poses on its way everything it can: walls, furniture, rooms, roofs ... Health services are like firefighters who put out a fire. They give medicine. The fire is put out and they say: the house is safe and sound. But that's shit true. Because the house has to be rebuilt. My body, especially my bones and spine after a spinal cord attack, were brittle and weak. Burned out by disease. But the fire was extinguished (inflamed) so it was cured ... A moment ago, during the evening bath, there was a leakage from the coil. At the same time, such discomfort when urinating and in the testicles. Acid leak. Eh, I immediately thought that I would report the matter to the Urologist in May. We'll see what he says to that. All in all, I remembered that chlamydia began to attach to the prostate today ... About 1-2 hours ago I wrote to say that I broke up with Kaja. I consulted with Drops and Esther. Marta said to my letter that if she had gotten something like that, she would not be offended. Ester said that he would probably start crying after that from the second sentence. I wrote this to Kaja at 21:14. For fear of her reaction, I turned off the phone. And I have to write something else here. There are two sides to me. On the one hand, I do not want to hurt her, and on the other, I want to show her a little what it is like to suffer out of love ... I used to want to hurt her, as she hurt me, although I forgave her. After all, I received the most beautiful apology I have ever received in my life. They were really beautiful. Now I just don't want to be with her anymore. Maybe he wants to suffer too. Suffer from love. I don't want her anymore ... I would even like her to have a boyfriend whom she loved and be happy with someone. On the other hand, I would like to have me hidden in her heart somewhere. Maybe I'm too immature for mature feeling.

Meditation on Death

March 24 - Meditation on Death Now is 6:16 am. Although I woke up quite early, around 5:00. I slept exceptionally with the window closed due to the frost in the field, although they were slightly ajar, which makes the room somewhat fresh. At night I felt a little refreshing to drink. So I decided to test 2 glasses of lemon water. Lemon water weakened the effect of tramal by at least 60%, despite the fact that Tramal had been working for a good 4-6 hours. This morning I have practically no tram hangover. This is proof enough for me that Lemon effectively neutralizes the effects of drugs. Someday, I will have to conduct a similar experiment with the NAC. At Ranem, or somewhere around midnight, I spoke to Esther. He wanted to share his super power with me. Damn, if I had the power I do then meditation. It's something beautiful. Unfortunately, as he claims, there are also some consequences for this. I had to go back to light persuasion, I kept him in suspense, asked a lot of questions so as to make him want to give me this power. Because that's what I want. Gosh it would be nice if it were actually true. If this power really was possible to destroy 20 opponents at once. Wow ... As he says he was born with this power and the only way is to get infected with this power from him. One person has already contracted it, although it does not guarantee that it is also possible from a distance. More will have to tell me on skype. Oh, in the morning I found 2 interesting entries on the backtrack.pl website that could interest me: http://backtrack.pl/2010/04/01/jak-ukryc-zmienic-swoj-adres-ip-tunel-vpn-proxy-tor/ http://backtrack.pl/2010/06/07/linux-backtrack-4-final-instalacja-na-usb-zapiswanie-zmian-bt3-bt4/ Smuggling morning sandwiches Conversation with ester about lycanin - this super power weeb TV Meditation on death. I ate a huge amount of potatoes for the night. I poisoned myself. I felt guilty while meditating on Ester's death on me. Today, moreover, I did not practice anything. I had a nice time in bed, mostly talking to Esther. Ah, how I regret that I ate such a huge amount of potatoes in addition to the evening. WHORE!!! I also talked to ester about when I was being watched by the investigative department. It was fun to talk about it all and laugh at what weakly watched I was. The moment I make a mistake - chlamydia begins to wander for me. So at the moment when I ate too heavy a meal - in this case tons of potatoes - chlamydia started to travel all over my body quite quickly and I suppose it will stay here for a long time ... Fuck. I'm not okay with it. Now in my head I think to expel this poison that is food. Now in the evening I was listening to Adam Bytof about lucid dreams. He mentioned Galantamine and the African Snow Root as a dream aid.

EnterBackTrack

March 23 - EnterBackTrack Morning - stretching of the spine. I woke up at 5:00 in the morning in an uncomfortable position. Then again in a similar position at 7:00. The heart was beating hard, too hard, sideways position full of pressure and ischemia on various parts of the body. I practiced, then went to Alsen to buy DVDs. inter alia, to record a Windows 7 bart for mom and try to repair the system. God, I don't want to fix this laptop ... Being in Alsen, I noticed a nice Credit Card with 8GB Pendrive for PLN 32. But I got horny, I even talked to the salesman about it. However, when I got home I found exactly the same on the 16GB allegro for PLN 36 + shipping 10 PLN. I ordered it. There will be a perfect composition in my portfolio. Such a flash drive for every occasion. Being at home today I was a bit afraid of the spine all day. I was with Szymek for a while. I lent him PlayStation and Pegasus. I was also looking for a Lenovo laptop. I found x201t - a tablet like x220 but with lower parameters, which would be enough for me anyway. Only poor graphics, which are unlikely to be suitable for cracking WPA passwords ... However, think about it. About PLN 2600 After 4 p.m. I took tramal up to 200mg with coffee with milk. As always, the pointlessness of life, I wanted to feel better. I shouldn't, I'm hungry after all, but I'm high with it ... I want to feel good. And the tramal offers just that. I took 200 mg because I was afraid that 100 mg would not work for me. Gzies around 5:00 p.m. I started correcting the TabelePilkarskie program and repairing Mrs. Basia's computer. But I don't fucking want to. I downloaded windows 7 on a DVD, not enough English, the disc does not start yet. Come on fucking !!! I removed all the music from my phone and played Eska Rock Kultowa 500. I wanted to have something new to listen to. Oh, I also tested some of this BackTrack today, and bought the antenna that FoxPeter recommended me 2-3 years ago. 12dbi Dokolna, but I don't remember the name anymore. Hope it will be great for WarDriving. I guess I'm starting to feel the first effects of the tram :) In the evening I was repairing the Football Tables program and Mrs. Basia's computer. Working to the rhythm of the tram was great. Really great. The neck lets you know a little about itself. I got a little new experience today. I'm going to wash.

21hPost

Increase

I woke up very early, 2:27 I think. I decided to meditate with Esther, but that's ass. I am not fucking getting better !!! I really wanted Tramal, this nonsense of life again. I even told myself that: fuck everything, my goal in life is doing nothing !! Just live and exist. Such -2 degrees Celsius. I don't give a shit about everything. I don't give a shit. Even when I write my comparisons in my diary, I feel like a madman. Anyway, I was turned into a madman, a schizophrenic, which is a lot to cheat here. I'm afraid to use my comparisons ... At night, I was worried about the pain in this lumbar vertebra again. Such a pain that is not stinging, but a kind of overload. Today I have planned a healing fast. We'll see what comes out. I met 2 girls in the Park during morning training. I thought it might be Cornelia. They were walking towards me and suddenly turned back. Then, for appearances, I went to the playground at the end of the training to see who it was. I felt that she was looking at me, I felt that it could be Cornelia. The girl was pretty, but it wasn't Cornelia. I think she asked a friend next to the blonde to watch me. I don't know who it was. After the training, I went in the direction of the river - actually, I wanted to do the same, but I guess to make appearances I went too. While I was at the steps before I also met this drunkard. He was talking to me, he said that he also had back problems and I wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible. I wanted to breathe. I wanted to be alone ... On my way back along the park, I also met these crusader girls. I wondered who they were. I didn't want to talk to them, and what's more, after such a long period of abstinence, I can't talk to girls. Anyway, I don't even want to. I do not want. And even if they talked, I would ask them ... Now, when I returned after 10:00, Kaja wrote. In the morning, after many days, almost 2 weeks, I wrote back to her and we lose contact. I wrote back something to get rid of her. Suddenly, as I thought about everything - I want to be alone, I don't want Kaja. I want to be alone. Let him find another boy, let him find a husband, so that I can get rid of her from my head and memory. I don't want her, I don't think I love her anymore. I want to be alone. And at the same time, there is a strange dark side to me: she wants her "a little, but a little" to have me in her memory when I broke up with her. I don't know why ... Maybe just in case. Maybe everyone wants to be loved, adored by someone, and on the other hand, I withdraw and reject her. Yes, I want to be alone ... Even today I was thinking about a new affirmation, such as: I want to do nothing, have a high rent of PLN 800, live for free in my apartment. I want to be alone.... In the morning, in desperation, I also wrote to finalstan, the one who taught me meditation and knows channeling. He wrote quite an exhaustive email a moment ago. I'm going for potatoes, I'll read it soon. I read some time ago. I'm just pissed off even more. Although I imagined how the Angel would tell me something, hurt me and thus forever fucking abandon esotericism, meditation and other fucking fucking. Or he'll even kill himself, oh .... And fuck your ass, we'll see who will be so extremely important for the future ... I think I managed to do it again today with meditation. Because I don't want to write a second time, I'm even afraid to write long things, because of the backbone I will paste the content of the email I sent him: Heh, when I read your email today, I got angry. But it wasn't angry with you. I guess I even have to admit it was angry with the Angels. I even cried, even cursed sharply, fisted with anger. I was shouting words like: "h *** you f *** d *** angels, fuck you. F *** for 2 years I have been doing ig *** out of this" (sorry if I offended you, it was not the purpose of this email). AND: It seems to me that it was a kind of discharge of negative tensions in the body, negative feelings. It's like a technique of getting into a meditative state, just like you can do it by counting, breathing, tightening your muscles ... I felt that I wanted to lie down. And I lay down in the corpse position (in this I try to sleep because I had very serious problems with the spine and this one is the safest for me). I started to breathe deeply. For a long time, I felt quite a long need to breathe, maybe even 10 minutes. I will add that in the morning I exercised and stretched my body. And it was a small success! I did not feel the need to move, I joined 3 fingers, as you once described to me - even if I felt intuitively that I had to do that. Just a dead body position that many find uncomfortable. And as if I entered. I didn't fight my thoughts, I watched them. I even took pleasure in my thoughts full of anger and hatred towards my father! And we did it... It was true that it was not the same effect as 2 years ago when I also managed to enter, but then I was a happy man. Then I felt something else. I felt calm, full of life, composed, a mess of thoughts merged into one harmonious whole. I was extremely creative, intelligent, I felt the need to clean my room after meditation and I felt that it changed my life. I don't think I ever achieved this state again. You watched the movie Jestes Godiem from 2011? There, the main character had pills (drug) called nzt, which stimulated 100% of the brain. When I watched it, I saw in the hero as if himself, who had an extremely creative mind after taking the pill - and I associated this moment of cleaning my room with me. Because how to work in such a mess. Now I felt something different. Well, much smaller than 2 years ago, but it was still interesting. And so it was beautiful. Whole body heavy, I didn't want to move. I just wanted to be in this state. When the hate was stronger, I took a deeper breath with the air still in my lungs. I do not know how to call it. Just THANKS !!! I understood what to do ... I'm just afraid that in the evening when I sit (or rather lie down) to meditation again - I may not get out again ... But thank you. With this e-mail, you evoked in me emotions that allowed me to unload my anger, anger that you can say blocked me, were too strong and not discharged for me to enter the state of meditation. Thanks!!! Oh one more thing. Each time I sat down to meditation, I had the intention that an answer, a clue or an angel would appear to me and tell me again what to do. Now I was just watching, or as you wrote, I was working on working out the hate that is inside me ... But now how do I do to talk to the angel through meditation? Can you give any tips? In the evening I watched a movie on YouTube: Growth. A very interesting film about ufo, renewable, unlimited sources of energy. I fell asleep for a while and didn't watch, but at some point I woke up. Specifically at the time when there was a fragment about society. When you are not subject to social rules and norms - people destroy you themselves and control each other. SYSTEM! I saw it as if I was myself. I was raided ... Yes, I feel overwhelmed by the system, and I thought that nothing in my life would ever threaten me again !!!