Sending Hate

February 20 - Sending Hate A day written on time. I will shorten, however, because I do not want to write: Today I wrote a poisonous text message to my cousin Ola. There were words of shame that I am now unable to help anyone and I am not mother teresa. I think I hurt. In response, I received something like that and she just wanted to ask how is it healthy, etc ... Exactly ... I would like to believe it, but why would I ask? Yesterday she really wanted me to contact her? Just to tell you how's my health? Some nonsense ... Maybe she wanted to ask how healthy, but she probably wanted me to help her more - and now I'm not going to help anyone - I have my own problems. Second text message to Kaja: I wrote something like: I'm sorry, but I won't take these pictures of you because I hate taking pictures of myself. I received a nice return text message and she wanted to take pictures of Krakow's architecture ... Third text message to Adam Paternoga: I said I won't come today. I also consulted with the fairy how today's meeting would look like. Apparently it would be nice if I came, although I decided that I would not go anywhere! End and period. One that I do not want to pay for the Christian religion and two: I wanted to hurt people today ... Emanate hatred. In the afternoon I slept, practiced something, continued the therapy with baking soda. I increased the garlic to 2 balls for the evening. I don't remember any more sins. And, as usual, inefficient breathing.

KrakowskiTaste of Freedom

February 19 - Krakow's Taste of Freedom Today is Tuesday, so like every Tuesday meeting with Rafal Pawlik. So I went to him at 8:30. As always, the door was slightly ajar. I go in and ask if there is anyone. So I enter a large room and it turned out that our neighbor was a drug addict and a drunkard from Jadzia zaryTY. I have nothing against him, I even think he's cool guy and I like him. So I entered the room where we usually have our talks and Rafal Pawlik came in a moment. He even asked, "I guess are you nervous?" I answer him with no. I could also add that it may seem to him because of this and I was running. For this guy (his name is Leszek from what I remember) he was doing driving tests. Traditionally tea - I chose green with cranberry and raspberry. We talked today about the fact that I cannot read the book, The Gift of Fear. He said it was interesting and in my words there is hate, anger, love, joy - but fear never appears. So he wonders what am I afraid of? I told him about my experiences in meditation in 2011. How I felt creativity, intelligence, power of mind then, I had to clean the room, tidied up the mess in my mind ... It was a beautiful experience, and it was going for it. I also mentioned how I am stuck in a vicious circle of experience for meditation. After the session was over, I went home. I ate 2 more onion sandwiches. In the morning I ate a lot of Nutella. I think I forgot to write in yesterday's report that I ate codeine last night. It was divine, I felt that codeine was better than Tramal. Returning, however, to today - we went to Krakow - I prepared temporarily - money, documents, telephone. It's good that my pension came today. My dad dropped me off almost directly at Bonifratrov, but when I saw that there were 14 people in the line before me, I decided to go and do other things. I got on the first tram no. 13 and I was met by the ticket control ... I showed my documents entitling me to a free ride. The first one I went to WSZIB to collect a certificate. I was surprised by the fact that there was only a copy of my certificate ... Strange, I was determined to attend this school and I was sure that there is also an original there. Well, I did not argue, I bought a plastic bag in the meat shop for 80 groszy to be able to store this document in what. Then I went to the Dietl Hospital, where they treated me with a neurotic heart attack two years ago. I took an x-ray of the spine for which I paid 11 zlotys. I was surprised that the spine seemed to "shine" in the photo. Interestingly, then, as if under the influence of a mental shock from my head, toxins / dead bacteria passed through my spine and spread throughout my body, giving you the training of blood density. To get to the hospital, in the street, I asked a girl for directions. I felt a bit of fear - after all, I hadn't picked up girls for a long time. Next direction Ochikara. Here I had a lot of thoughts - I imagined the conversation with the director, then I imagined him fighting for me, how he wanted me to stay. Eventually the conversation ended with a conversation with Mrs. secretary. There were no major problems. I felt a bit of regret, sadness that I could not study here - it was the school of my dreams! I imagined the director calling me tomorrow and asking why I left. I went to Tesco with stupid things. It was around 1pm - 2pm, the Bonifraters were open with Jolanta Palen from 3pm. I don't know why I went to Tesco, something my instincts guided me to. In tesko I received a message from Kaja "Hey Kotku: * I passed the exam !!!!". I congratulated and wrote that she would come to me. Then I thought, after all, I did not write anything I'm doing, and I was glad when Kaja wrote what was going on with her. So I wrote a second correction text message that I'm in Krakow and I'm dealing with a few things today. I think she did it nice because of that, and besides, she received 2 text messages from me. She also asked me for a few photos especially for her - but I hate taking pictures so much ... What should I send her? She might just write about it tomorrow, I don't know ... In Tesco I also got a message from Adam Paternoga. He was inviting me to a meeting tomorrow at their home. Cramp to go or not to go? I like the Christian religion, on the other hand, I would like to meet them - I like them, I like Maks's family. What to do? Maybe I will ask cards now? I just checked - I don't understand the interpretation of these cards ... I don't understand ... PS Oh, while I was in Wszibus, I threw a tegretol tablet. I was a bit afraid that there are webcams and it may be some kind of scandal with me. There was also a draw for a number for the dean's office. In general, the dean's office was moved up. In the waiting room I asked how I should behave - the students were eager to answer me. Coming back to the trip around Krakow - perhaps I will forget the fact that I went to Ochikara through the Debnica market and there I bought gum and coffee yoghurt with white poison or sugar in a nearby store. But he was good, and also kopiko. At Bonifratrov I met two interesting guests. I asked them how old they are, one is 23, the other is 29. I made an appointment with the one who was 29 on Facebook. He was a graphic designer, fasted 10 days, loved poetry - nice guy. I am glad that I was able to make a new acquaintance. We talked well. He also had a problem with his spine, he was helped by vitamin B. He took me to the fennel hospital. Maybe a little, and that was not on my hands, because I wanted to investigate the operation of the wifi network in this hospital, but since he went with me to the hospital. In the hospital, in the nephrology clinic, we also pissed in the toilet. Oh, you really wanted to pee. Awful. I was also afraid not to meet Martyna - my dad's friend, a nephrologist who also referred me to a psychiatrist with my problems ... I broke up with my new friend Sebastian, hoping that we will meet again. Walking around Krakow, he probably met 2 of his friends. I bought cookies in a nearby shop, I think they were called Klementnki - cookies made of various grains and sugar. It is a pity that there was this fucking sugar ... I also saw my dad and my mum near Copernicus, but they probably didn't recognize me ... In the gallery, I ate these cookies at McDonald's upstairs, watched a few people. Then, on foot, I went to the ZEN center, although I got lost a bit and had to look for a way. Being in the center I didn't know how to say hello to new people, especially girls. God!!! With one I greeted somehow stupid, somehow I was ashamed and when I am ashamed I make a strange grimace on my face as masking this feeling. But shame :) I meditated a bit and after the second series I left with Antoni. Today I was sitting on a red mat - I had a slight problem with numbness in my legs, my spine was much better. I talked to Antoni what meditation is for him and what he wants to achieve by it: he wants to be good to people, get to know himself, be a kindly good person. I don't think he knows the real powers of meditation! I told him about my experiences with meditation. We spread out on the market square, I went to the galleries. While still meditating, Ola Kosmider called me 2x, and in fact Hunka already. I was wondering what she could want from me - because she called twice in a row, I suppose it was something urgent. Black thoughts already in my head - what should I say, I must hide it from my family that I am going to meditation. Then phone calls from my dad, luckily they weren't in the gallery yet and we managed to get there on time. PS Oh, being, or rather leaving from the Bonifraters, we had to go back to the pharmacy to buy drugs, or rather herbs :) In the gallery I had a slight problem finding Dad's car, but I found it at stand A. We drove home, and on the way we stopped at a petrol station. I was sitting in the back of the car exceptionally, it gave me such a stable meditative position in which I fell asleep. I guess I'll be in the back seat in the future. At home my feet hurt and they called for help. The cold water gave them energy. I ate cipsy, chocolate - what the hell ...

Baking soda

February 18 - Baking soda Morning workout in the park. I also played Bubble IQ. Today I didn't want to exercise my mind, I preferred to lie in bed Today I started the baking soda treatment. We'll see what happens Shopping in the afternoon. I bought flip flops, a hair razor and headphones. panic because of sight. Cold needles again. I was preparing a bit for tomorrow's trip to Krakow. I showed David the belly. He liked my slightly muscular radiator. In the evening I ate 4 slices with butter and garlic + 2 rolls Tomorrow I'm going to Krakow. Lots of things to do.

Meditation TV

Dream: some grandmother, I was suggesting ointment for the joints. I felt sorry for her I slept in my clothes, February 17 - Meditation TV Laptop in bed - completely new interesting experience. Thanks to this, I don't think about pain. I spent almost the whole day in bed. I turned on Dr. House today and then watched many episodes of DeathNote. It made me relax in bed meditatively, maybe more hypnotic. In addition, I kept repeating the mantra: my body is hot, my body is hot ... Written by Drops and Mateusz Labuda. Mateusz wrote what's going on with me. In a way, I dismissed him, I didn't want to talk to him. It seems to me that I felt a surge of energy momentarily, but I quickly wanted to suppress it. I wanted to be creative again, create computer programs to earn money, but when I went to the computer I think to myself: crap I don't want to ... I have to suppress it, get rid of it, I want to be lazy and go to bed. Today I'm going to sleep with my clothes on again. It's a new experience for me, it's something else.

HymnKu GloryTramalowi

February 16 - Hymn To the Glory of Tramal A day on time. Walk in the morning, breathe, but I didn't feel like anything. Then a hearty breakfast of 5 slices, but a whole onion to kill the bacteria in me. Guilt again for eating so much. this conflict again - I would like to switch to light feeding, I don't need food. How much money would I save on scorching, how much time. That would be cool. on the other hand, I succumbed to the temptation to taste and stuff my stomach. But yesterday afternoon I was stuck in a beautiful feeling of light hunger where I felt a lot of energy. It was so beautiful Today I feel sorry for myself again. In the morning I had a bit of energy, I wrote an article on my website about vitamin C, I made a new logo, then I went into a state of sapascia, self-criticism, feeling that nothing will fucking help me and everything shot. At the same time, while writing this article, I was thinking about my physical ailments, about traveling pain, about cold needles ... Yes, I knew I was taking a tram today. In the afternoon I took it, but also went to the alberta store, but it was closed. Today I had an interesting conversation with Esther - it was great talking about the NLP Scam artists in this King Arthur, about medicine, about the tram. Tramal drank Inka Bean Coffee, but it worked great. For the evening: I fucking ate all the chocolate. FUCK feeling guilty again, but she was so delicious. When not in exercise feels stagnant power, I feel that I have to eat. And when I'm exercising my energy is positive and I don't feel the need to eat sweets. You have to exercise and run, but on the other hand, I'm really afraid to run now. I'm really scared ... About the heels, those cold needles. Tramal worked divine. DIVINELY! Maybe the coffee enhanced the effect, even though I read that it does not contain caffeine. BOSKO and blogo. Washes effects after 1 hour, and after 2 hours a total departure in a crib. My mother interrupted me about 20 for obvious reasons. Then this chocolate, a dot dot made it impossible for me to go to bed now according to my principles of healthy eating. Even the food will rot in my stomach, and in addition I felt like a pig before going to sleep. Whore. I was also going to put my masturbations aside to feel the energy, but whatever. It is like chocolate to me, like candy. What will I regret. Ester just wrote about some technique of raising energy. I'm already looking at the gg.

Invitation

February 15 - Max's invitation I woke up quite early. I noticed that chlamydia started attaching to the heart and kidneys. She has not attacked there for a long time. Trial of Valerianov - Lipa. The only advantage of the valerian test was that it was breathing at night. I felt a slight slight tingling sensation, especially concentrating on the exhale. I do not create breath on rigid rules, it is important that it be calm, deep and diaphragmatic. Baking soda test to refresh the air. Just in the evening, Dad said that it smells like a hospital here. In addition, after the morning training, I cleaned the room. How beautiful and clean here now. At 2 p.m. I felt a little hungry. This is probably the effect of a light morning breakfast and lack of food and training. After the morning training I felt a mega positive energy boost. In the afternoon around 4 p.m. mum went to church to pray. She complained about her finger. I started with intuflow and training legs and abdomen. I wanted to start using baking soda today, but I postponed it to tomorrow. After today's training day, I didn't feel like sweets at all. Something incredible. I even threw out the Rafaello my mom gave me. The feeling of a slight hunger for lightness in my stomach was very pleasant for me. At 6 p.m. I went to Maks, he invited me for today. We ate scrambled eggs which his dad made especially for this occasion. She was great. We watched the Avengers movie together with the max - pretty cool lyrics and special effects, but the story was so-so. Still, I'd rather talk to Max and talk to him instead of watching movies. It's good that I sat down next to him on the couch. Thanks to this, I felt his closeness. He also showed me tons of chops they keep in the bathroom. Max's dad invited me to their house, I didn't understand exactly, but their house was as if chosen by the representatives of the attic. That's how I understood ... But, I want to stay away from the Catholic religion, and on the other hand, I like Maks's house, his parents' house and this unique atmosphere. Now I got a joke: Honey, I would eat you with potatoes and cabbage�: D In addition, there was also the situation with Ola. Ola greeted me, but I didn't know what to do. Maks took me to the house after the movie. I think there were the most beautiful moments here. At my place, we talked about college, about what he wants to do in life, and that Maks is jealous on the one hand for being alone. It was a fun conversation, I felt we were together again. I came home, there was chocolate. And cramps, I ate an inch, 700kcal per night. Fuck me, if I don't eat sweets here. But I was successful. I see that physical exercises make me feel like I don't feel like sweets, but for the night this desire came back. Weird... PS A moment ago I had quite a lot of positive mental energy. So I started moderating the blog. To my surprise, the goo results went up a bit despite my 1.5 months of laziness and lack of website positioning and in addition some wedge on this dynamic template, although I only earned 2 cents. Now I found a really nice cool and clean template. He's moderating his blog. I am proud of it, the ads also compose nicely. I think I finally found a template for myself :) Oh, most of the visits come from google.

I asked for everything

February 14 - I asked for everything - I got everything ... Free planet. Today I read about UFO 50 PLN from a neighbor for a laptop Writing a letter to Kaji. Now I'll be testing Valerian droplets in the evening. My attitude towards lucid dreaming is small, although after DXM also my attitude is small and various strange things are happening ... I don't feel like writing much today. I asked for everything, I got everything. I wanted to suffer - I suffered. I wanted to be like Wojewodzki - I was like House - I was Dr. House and I had super indestructible retort. I wanted to be like Sawyer, like Maksym - I was too. I was like a chameleon - whoever I wanted to be, I was. Now I want to get it back because I still feel like nobody despite these affirmations. I am not able to play anyone. I feel like nobody. Now I see what a great gift I had. Fucking Ablify!